Bringing our Hearts Together
Topic: Family
"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, brazen beast within, "yesterday at church..."

The sassy Mr. Tiger abruptly interrupted before I could even finish my sentence. 'Since when do you go to church?' he snapped.

We could have entered into a long discourse about the nature of my spirituality; that being, that Life, with a capital L, is my church and religion. I hesitated though to go there with the pest, Mr. Tiger, because I didn't have the energy to deal with that particular topic today. I said instead, "I went to church yesterday for my mother's sake Tige," adding, "she wanted her children beside her for Feast of All Souls Day - a day the Catholic Church annually reserves for those who have preceded us in death. Yesterday we lit candles for the Faithful Departed in memory of my dad who passed away on November 28, 2005." I tacked on after a silent moment, "I'm thankful that I went."

There was really no way to bring today's discussion to a close, for it had hardly begun.

I opted to use a quote from my sister Sherry whose humbly expressed words this morning on our family's email chain, summed up the strain we were all feeling at this time last year. Sherry said, "I can't believe we all lived thru last year" to which another sister, who attended yesterday's mass before another for her young niece Jenna, also agreed. We all did. "I can't believe we lived through it either Sherry," said Tricia.

There wasn't much left to say so I ended today's entry with a picture of myself and my dad and a portion of a post originally published on December 5, 2005 at our father's funeral mass.

The eulogy of almost a year ago, was opened with a piece, Let Me Clue You in about My Father, written and read first by my sister Colleen for his 80th birthday and then again on the alter during a three part oration. My brother Joe told those in attendance about how our dad always encouraged him, in spite of his dyslexia - to build his first house, his second house, his third house - which eventually grew into the thriving construction company he owns today.

My contribution to father's eulogy follows:

The other morning I woke up with the words, "his contract was up" on my lips.

Our dad had fulfilled his end of the contract after raising 9 children - two of whom he and my mother buried.

I looked at these words as a message from those on the other side who invisibly hold us close when times get rough. Those words were a perfect way to explain our father's departure, for indeed "his contract was up" and no matter how much he loved his job here on earth, he had been letting us know, since the car accident that broke his neck on Oct 17th, that his "contract was up." The 42 days of hospital care had drawn to a close.

He wasn't going to do it the way Jimmy did. He knew the harshness of sudden accidental death and wouldn't put his family through that again.
He wasn't going to do it the way Danny did either - with a long lingering disease that sucked the life out of him.

The 42 days of hospital care was a gift to us, his family - it was to help us adjust to the end of his contract, even while we visited daily to root him on to health.

On the 42nd day my father said to my mother and sister Sherry, "today is the day." How could they have known that that meant it was the end of his contract?

Sherry's email that night excitedly informed us of his words that she and my mother took to mean a new beginning; for indeed it looked that way.
It turned out to be his best day.
He was up in a wheel chair for the first time.
He was talking lucidly for the first time in weeks.

Sherry told us too that he kept looking at the calendar. Did he know? Did he know that an extension to his contract would have been too hard? Too hard for not only himself but also his beloved Barbara who was his rock.
Looking back, I'd have to say that I think so.

The Tipping Point
Topic: Political
"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger the contumelious pest of my psyche, "Yesterday when we were talking, I said to you - "Speaking of the gubernatorial race, did you hear that John DePetro, one of the conservative mouth pieces on WRKO, called Green-Rainbow Party gubernatorial candidate Grace Ross a fat lesbian while on the air?"


'Yeah, I heard that,' answered Mr. Tiger, for the second time in two days.

"Well," I said as I collected my thoughts, "Seems as though DePetro's derogatory comments won't keep him off the air for long."

'Good,' said Tiger, 'the station is taking him back? Good,' he said again.

"No, thank goodness, not WRKO," I answered. "Jessica Heslam of The Boston Herald reports - DePetro, who has retained an attorney, said yesterday that a number of radio stations in Boston, New England, Washington, D.C, New York City, as well as talent agents and a network program have reached out to him since Friday's firing.
All of them have said they did not regard what I said as a fireable offense," said DePetro, whose board operator, Jimmy Kiesling, was also fired.

'Your point?' snarled the pest.

"My point matches Paul Sullivan's, the morning host at WBZ-AM, another Boston radio station, and is mentioned in the same article where he said, "I am sure that he would not have been fired for that if it had just been for that. This is something that had reached a tipping point, evidently."

I thought of the late Jerry Williams - the dean of talk radio - who I tip my hat to for sparking my interest for things other than what was my life at the time; wife and mother. After my memories settled down, I said to Tiger, "I used to listen to talk radio a lot. But it sure has changed, along with the politics of old and before LIBERAL was considered a four-letter-word."

'What has this got to do with the talk jock, DePetro?' asked Tiger right on cue.

"Everything!" I screamed before calming myself enough to say, "While driving, I still listen to talk radio and once in awhile, if I could stomach him, I'd listen to the insensitive and ignorant DePetro. He and other blabmeisters from this new and alternate universe, most definitely are not what they used to be and are NOT, these days, my means of gathering information. To get to the real truth, I now prefer to examine the views of those from another medium - the blogosphere."

I stated firmly, "While good news is not in demise, this YouTube video, which I first viewed over at Below Boston, articulates the tipping point that many of us are feeling since the days of good talk radio with the one of a kind - Jerry Williams."

Getting Uglier

Hey Tige, I said to Mr. Tiger, the inner pest who aims to rule over my every decision, yesterday one of the gubernatorial hopefuls, Kerry Healey, was champaigning at the Venetian, the restaurant where I work. I actually liked her, I added, although I doubt I'll be voting for her.

'Because of the dysfunction within the Bush administration?' asked Mr. Tiger in his best voice of authority, which he regularly uses when attempting to influence my thinking.

"That's right Tiger, and boy oh boy is dysfunction everywhere," I responded while wondering what he had up his sleeve. I guessed it had something to do with turning the tables in order to get me to vote for a Republican.

I wouldn't have it. I took a turn of my own and said, "Speaking of the gubernatorial race, did you hear that John DePetro, one of the conservative mouth pieces on WRKO, called Green-Rainbow Party gubernatorial candidate Grace Ross a fat lesbian while on the air?"


'Yeah, I heard that,' answered Mr. Tiger, suddenly in a different kind of mood, 'and he got fired for voicing an opinion.'

"Yup, WRKO station management fired him," I agreed adding for clarity sake, "Here's what DePetro had to say Friday to mock Grace Ross' appearance on the Thursday night's gubernatorial televised debate."

"I could go now a lifetime without Grace Ross."
"She has nerve. This whole business of 'well since we're being ignored.'
"No, you're irrelevant. Get off the stage!"
"I couldn't stand her at the end. At one point I was about to yell: "Will somebody tell that fat lesbian to shut up. . . .
"Shut up. Go home. Burger King is looking for another third-shift person to work the grill. Enough."
"I was traumatized by you being on the stage."

'You're a believer in free speech,' cut in Mr. Tiger.

"Indeed I am!" I exclaimed, "but you know, there is a line that shouldn't be crossed."


Post note: To see pictures and to learn more about the candidates, visit DECISION 2006 at WRKO radio.

When Going to the Polls...
Topic: Thirteen Thursday

"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, the pest who seizes any opportunity to divert my attention from important subjects, "I know it's not exactly popular to do a Thirteen Thursday on political issues but since election day is less than a week away I'm going to go for it."

'People like light posts on Thursday Kath,' said Mr. Tiger, 'you won't get many comments.'

"I know that Tiger, that's okay," I said before saying, "Here's my list of 13 things to keep in mind when going to the Polls."

Thirteen Things to keep in mind when you VOTE next Tuesday. 1. The not-so-smart remarks by Senator John F. Kerry, a combat veteran, about the underachieving students being stuck in Iraq is a false controversy, in my opinion, when you consider the bigger picture... 2. Neither Kerry and Bush excelled academically while at Yale. 3. Kerry may indeed deserve some criticism for stepping on his tongue but hasn't Bush done the same thing - hundreds of times. 4. The state of the deficient is more important than Kerry's remarks. Healthcare is more important. ?Energy is more important. Pentagon budget / unnecessary spending is more important. as are these... 5. Civilian deaths are still rising .....BAGHDAD (Reuters) - By Alastair Macdonald The number of Iraqi civilians killed in violence may have jumped to another record high in October. Statistics issued by the Interior Ministry for Iraqis killed in political violence put civilian deaths last month at 1,289, nearly 42 a day and up 18 percent from the 1,089 seen in September, itself a record for this particular series of data. 6. Insurgents Are Targeting US Forces .....October's death toll, the highest for American forces in nearly two years, came during a period without conventional battles or catastrophic helicopter crashes. 7. DU (depleted uranium) Death Toll Tops 11,000 .....Nationwide Media Blackout Keeps U.S. Public Ignorant About This Important Story 8. Bush Signs the Reichstag Fire Decree .....With a flip of the wrist, Bush signed into law the anti-Habeas Corpus, pro-torture law (cleverly repackaged as the Military Commissions Act of 2006), signaling with it the end of American democracy. 9. Alleged corrupt arms deals cost Iraq US $800 Million .....Iraq's former finance minister alleged in a U.S. television report aired Sunday that up to US$800 million meant to equip the Iraqi army had been stolen from the government by former officials through fraudulent arms deals. 10. Mental health crisis haunts front line U.S. soldiers serving in Iraq 11. Diebold's backdoors were designed into the machines intentionally ....Latest security vulnerability in paperless electronic voting underscores urgent need for Paper Trail Auditing 12. Tell your Representative to support Rep. Peter DeFazio's resolution requiring a Congressional vote prior to military action against Iran. 13. The above are consequences of our March 2003 invasion. What if the official?9/11 story were not be true? ....Judge for yourself by watching this 10 Minute video. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I'll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Clay Pots
Topic: Art / Creativity
"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, the crackpot within, "It's a little too warm to blog today. I've spent most of it cleaning my closet - got the summer stuff put away and the fall and winter clothes are finally out of the attic because, of course, I'll be needing them soon - days like today will be few and far between."

'Well, if you aren't going to blog - what are you doing here?' asked the pest in a voice that was colder than the day.

"I've plenty of posts from my first blog - the one I accidently deleted," I told him. "I'll just find one of those and make a fast entry before I spend some time in my yard."

'Suit yourself,' he said, which is exactly what I did.

This entry first appeared on Monday, April 10, 2006

Clay Pots - Take Two

"Perfection, I call any simple quality, if it is positive and absolute, such that, if it expresses something, it does so without limits." - Gottfried Leibniz

"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, the egocentric pest who thinks he is perfect, "have you ever felt that our lives are guided by larger forces?"

'Not so fast,' said Mr. Tiger before a flatly stated, 'What?'

"I'm talking about my nephew Josh. You can read about how he has been recently honored with a research grant for his technical skill and artistic mastery, at my sister Colleen's Loose Leaf Notes," I told Tiger before saying, "Josh has been guided to follow this path, first by his mother's creative parenting, his studies, and no doubt by other very real energies."

'Anyone can be a potter,' cut in Mr. Tiger, 'Jeeze - little kids play with clay all the time.'

"Yes, Josh began working with clay as a kid," I replied quickly and added to that, "and yes, it's the clay indeed that offers the potential for meaningful expression, but clay is just a clump of earth, until an artists hands, mind and imagination molds it."

'It's all mass production today,' said Mr. Tiger, defending his point of view, 'all you need is a potter's wheel. Anyone can do it.'

"The potter's wheel revolutionized pottery production, Tige, that's true," and after a pause I added, "sometime between 6,000 and 2,400 BC."

Mr. Tiger ended with an shrug and I ended with a story about two clay pots.

A water bearer in China had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house.

Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table.

Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Vitamin A
Topic: Health & Well-being

"Individuals deficient in Vitamin A allow conditions ideal for bacterial growth to be set up in their bodies..." - Let's Eat Right to Keep Fit, p. 56

"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, the cootie within, "I was reading in my old but trusty Adelle Davis book last night..."

Mr. Tiger cut me off to say, 'I'd be careful there, if I were you, she's on the quack watch list.'

"Yeah I know, but there's still some darn good information in her books," I interjected before telling him what I read last night while leafing through her book. "As I was saying, I was reading Adelle Davis...'

I was cut off again. 'It's Halloween,' reminded Tiger, 'what's she got to do with Halloween? Everyone who blogs will be doing Halloween stuff today.'

"I'm going to talk about Vitamin A Tiger, and errr - well - pumpkins are a way to get it," I said thinking quick and in my best take-that-in-your-pipe-and-smoke-it voice.

'Okay, okay but leave Davis out of this conversation,' he warned trying to sway me from my intention.

"According to Adelle Davis," I began again, making sure to put plenty of extra emphasis on her name, "... a vitamin-A deficiency allows abonormalities to occur in the tissues spoken of as mucous membranes. These tissues line the body cavities such as the throat, nose, sinuses, middle ears, lungs, the gall bladder, and the urinary bladder. If the diet is adequate in vitamin A, these membranes continuously secrete a liquid, or mucus, which covers the cells and prevents bacteria from reaching them and also cleanses the surface. Furthermore, bacteria cannot live in mucus."

'And according to you?'

"According to me," I responded, "I find this very interesting because one, it relates to my entries of last week, and two, because right now I've a terrible cold with a lot of mucus - seems to hit me this way two and three times a year. And lately," I added to that, "I've noticed my eyes are somewhat inflamed in the morning with a crusty substance, which Davis mentions too. And itchy. She mentions both in regards to Vitamin A deficiency. And also, the fact that I didn't eat meat for at least 10 years - meat being a source for getting Vit A absorbed. And what's more," I said as I opened Davis' book, Let's Eat Right to Keep Fit, to page 54, "get a load of this."

I read: "...People who work in bright light, which destroys vitamin A quickly, or dim light, which requires night vision entirely, use relatively more vitamin A than do persons working in moderate light. Typists and bookkeepers who face the glare of light on white paper frequently suffer from eyestrain preventable by diets richer in vitamin A; persons who sew, read, or watch television a great deal, miners working in dim light, welders facing flashing light, photographers working both with bright lights and in darkrooms, and people living a the desert or beach, where the sunlight is reflected by white sand, often have visual difficulties because of their need for vitamin A..."

'So now you have a vitamin A deficiency?' said the pest.

"I don't know that for sure, but it certainly won't be hard to add plenty of A vitamins, more meat now that I've been eating it again, and even some cod liver oil to my daily routine - just in case. Don't forget to make note, that her discoveries were written way before computers were in everyone's homes."

'I'm making note alright. You smoke,' he jabbed. "It's more likely that that is bothering you."

"I do smoke," I said. "I've been smoking again for five years, after a 20 year hiatus. This is true, but let's follow this Vitamin A thing for a bit. I think it's important - or at least it might shed some light..."

'...on all your medical troubles,' he added for me.

"What I was going to say," I corrected, "is that Vitamin A just might be something to consider, since I didn't eat meat for 10 years."

'You ate pumpkins and other foods high in beta-carotene.'

"Right. But as Dr. Joseph Mercola, M.D maintains, "Relying on plant sources for vitamin A is not a very wise idea." His article, You Can't Get Vitamin A From Plants, goes into all the reasons," I told Tiger.

'Let's just drop this,' he ended up saying. 'We're going in circles and all I wanted was something about Halloween and not all this talk about Vitamin A.'

Before I hurriedly pasted a paragraph from Adelle Davis Revisited, I said, "Happy Halloween" and ended our discussion for the day.

Of all the vitamins, Vitamin A is probably the most important for overall health. One reason this is true is because Vitamin A strengthens the mucous membranes, keeping them coated with clear mucus that prevents bacteria from attaching to them and growing. Bacteria cannot live in this clear mucus. The mucus flows over the surfaces of the inner linings of the body, washing germs and other debris off. For a germ to try to grow in a lung with good mucus flow is like the seed of a plant trying to take root in a flowing river.

One of those Mondays
Topic: Book Reviews

"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, the noise in my head, "it's the day before Halloween - hmmm - what shall I post today?"

'Another poem?'

"No."

'How about a book report?' suggested Mr. Tiger who I guessed was playing at being Mr. Helpful today.

"Well, I have been reading a lot," I nodded, "with this cold, broncitis, I think, I'm not feeling like doing much else, so yeah, I could blog that I've been reading fiction again, for a change of pace."

'You already mentioned Dennis Lehane - the local crime fiction writer.'

"Yeah, I love how when he writes, getting right into the psyche of his characters. And since Lehane grew up in Dorchester, not far from where I live, I like how he uses towns I know in his narratives." I gave Tiger an example. "Like in the one I just finished, Prayers For Rain, where on page 161 in the paperback edition, I rode with his words, the same places I have traveled, hundreds, or even thousands, of times in real life."

I read. "...He got off the expressway in Hingham and led us through another half an hour of bumper-to-bumper down one humid, crabby lane of Route 228. We passed through Hingham - all white colonials and white picket fences and white people - and then under high-tension wire before the black Beemer led us into Nantasket.
Once a grungy beach community with a soiled-neon carny atmosphere that attracted lots of bikers and woman with flabby, exposed midriffs and stringy hair, Nantaket Beach slipped into a sterile, picture-postcard loveliness when they tore down the amusement park that once fronted its shores. Gone were the cheesy teacup rides and the ratty wooden clowns you'd knock down with a softball to win an anemic guppy in a plastic bag. A roller coaster that, in its time, had been acknowledged as the country's most dangerous had had its twisted dinosaur of a skeleton shattered by wrecking balls and pulled by its roots from the earth so they could build condos overlooking the boardwalk. All that remained of the old days were the ocean itself and a few arcades bathed in sticky orange light along the boardwalk."

'Enough,' Mr. Pretend-to-be-Friendly cut in.

"There's more on the next page about Nantasket," I said, "but yeah, those are his words and not mine. What shall I write about today?"

'Nothing,' he said out loud, then under his breath, he mumbled something like, 'doesn't matter anyway.'

"Indeed," I said because I knew that. So I let it ride without argument and said, "I think I'll just post some pictures of good ol' Nantasket, the town where I grew up and had my first job selling amusement ride tickets. I'll leave it at that," I said and I did.

Reflection
Topic: Family















"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, the pest who has no sense of the sacred, "I've written a poem to go with this picture of my sister Sherry and my brother Dan - the fourth and fifth siblings of nine."

Downplaying my efforts was Tiger's game - one I wasn't playing today especially after he said, 'A poem? Meaningless drivel more closely resembling rubbish.'

After a chuckle that I couldn't hold back and without further explanation I simply stated before posting my poem, "Today marks the fifth anniversary of Danny's passing - yesterday was Sherry's 53rd birthday. I'm dedicating this poem to both of them."



Reflection

Walking down a street of my dreams
a thought manifestation trickles
in my bones
in my blood
in my soul
pointing towards infinity

Heart and mind
clicking together in perpetual rhythm
for those in spirit - the rest
still in our hands
eternally held together
as world spins evermore.

by Kathy Osborn

what's in the news and what's not...
Topic: Political
"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, the passionless inner pest, "maybe this is just a bad dream left over from all those hours I slept yesterday when I was sick, but for Christ's sake, look at this!"

'Calm down,' said Mr. Tiger before he even knew what I was talking about.

"How can I calm down? If this is true the American people should know about it," I said all at once while reading from an email sent to me by a friend who keeps a close eye on politics.

'Some friend,' snorted the pest with a sideward glance, 'it takes you days to open it?'

Not bothering to explain that I found K's email when I was cleaning out my overflowing mailbox this morning, I said, "That's besides the point Tiger." I carried on with, "She wrote to tell me about a U.S. ammo dump that was blown up in Iraq, at Camp Falcon on October 10th. The official story," she informed me, "is that no one was hurt but somehow 300 of our soldiers died," I cried out as I read the last sentence, "it's not being reported because of the upcoming election!"

'Do you believe that?' asked Tiger.

"Looks as though plenty do," I responded with a sinking stomach. "Here are some of the links she provided."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq082HmtPEM
http://www.siteinstitute.org/bin/articles.cgi?ID=publications219606&Category=publications&Subcategory=0
http://www.jihadunspun.com/intheatre_internal.php?article=106565&list=/home.php
http://kavkazcenter.com/eng/content/2006/10/14/5964.shtml
http://www.pissedonpolitics.com/2006/10/300_us_soldiers_killed_us_falc.htm
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2552679

"What does that tell you about what the people running our country?" I sadly asked. "A full and complete account of this incident should be reported, but NO - it's election time. All we get to hear are those campaign adds which are conveniently nothing more than smear after smear after smear."

'They're just stirring the pot,' said Tiger in an all too undisturbed voice, 'and sex sells,' he added.

I agreed. "They're picking on works of fiction too," I said in reference to Virginia's Senate campaign. "The opposition's selecting passages from the fictional novels of former Navy Secretary Jim Webb to accuse him of demeaning and dehumanizing women. It's a novel for Pete's sake! Since when is a work of fiction supposed to sway the people one way or the other?' I asked.

'People love this stuff,' said Tiger.

I knew he was right but I said nonetheless, after pointing to a Boston Globe article - Roundly condemned, mudslinging ads thrive under shift in laws - that articulates better than I, "I want the truth - even if it's the sad facts that aren't getting reported."

Take Two - The Dance
Topic: Family

"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, the deprivation within, "I'm home with the flu - or something like it today. I've no energy to blog or to do much of anything else."

'You just wanted a day off from work,' the callous Mr. Tiger said.

I gave him no mind and chose from my lost blog - the one I inadvertently deleted by hitting the wrong button - a post that meant a lot to me. Tomorrow, if I am feeling better, I'll be meeting the new man my daughter Beth has been recently dating. Whose to say he'll be Mr. Right or even anything close to that? Not me and not her. But because it has been a l o n g road for her, the ins and outs too personal to go into here, I'm feeling okay now that things are turning around. And like the Garth Brooks song says at the bottom of the entry - all our lessons really are just part of the dance.

Take Two _ The Dance - originally posted on 22 August 2006 17:08 EDT

The Dance

from The Joy Luck Club: Old Chong, who is stone deaf and says of himself and Beethoven; "We both hear it in our hearts."


"Hey Tige," I said to Mr. Tiger, the pest who dances around my issues, "I don't listen to country music much, but I was blown away today while I was driving with one of my daughters and her two kids. She put a Garth Brooks CD in and the tears just flooded out of me."

Since you cry at the drop of a hat, I can't say that I'm surprised,' commented Mr. Tiger.

"I was Tige. I was surprised I cried. It's been a long time since that kind of emotional stuff has gotten to me," I said and repeated again, "I was surprised I cried."

'Then why did'ya?'

"Because I knew she was telling me via Brook's song that even though her marriage didn't make it, it was worth all the pain she endured when it all came crumbling down and when she thought it could be built again."

'But you knew that all along,' he reminded me. "Haven't I heard you say more times than I'd like to hear - that people have to go through their own lessons in order to get to the other side."

"Yes, I knew and I know all that Tige," I agreed while thinking only to myself, "Having worn the same dancing shoes myself over thirty years ago I did not need to have it spelled out for me. I know each of us has to dance to our own music, no matter how wild and unconventional the beat. In other words, we have to make our own mistakes, get up again and dance to another tune."

To Tiger I said, "When my daughter played that Garth Brooks song - intentionally for me, I do think - it lifted the decay that had been forming in me because of things I couldn't say - wouldn't say. After all this time, I finally knew. I finally knew she was going to be okay and," I added, "so too would I."

Tiger had had enough. He made a growling sound and disappeared but not before I said to him, "It's always worth it."

I posted the words to the song that said it all for me today. A song that could speak to broken marriages or illusions of any kind.

"The Dance"

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance